I do try to keep myself from feeling and speaking like I’m a victim. But… Right now it really does feel like that’s what I am: a victim. I truly wish I was never a part of this.
I have never, ever wanted to blame that situation for how my life turned out… I never wanted to think anything like that, because I want to believe that I am in control of my own life. But… I also can’t deny the facts.
I was in college during these events, completing my undergrad requirements and double majoring in Mechanical Engineering and Aerospace Engineering.
Here are transcripts from the semesters before the events happened. I maintained a GPA of 3.92 / 4. I received the Dean’s List and President’s Honor Roll accolades every semester.
After the events mid-Fall 2018, my academic performance plummeted. I finished the Fall 2018 semester with a 2.76 GPA and was stripped of my honors accolades. The following semester I finished with a 2.57 GPA.
After that semester, I dropped out of college.
Growing up I was always the gifted kid, the one with a bright future. I was able to maintain a 3.9 GPA, taking every summer semester too, all while maintaining my content creation.
I didn’t think it affected me then… I always thought it was my own decision. I believed that I dropped out because I just couldn’t handle the pressure, that a life where I make the next big thing to improve humanity was just never in reach for me to begin with.
I thought I just wasn’t smart enough.
After reviewing my transcripts I can see they tell a different story entirely.
Here is a table of my video and live stream counts (from here just called Posts).
| 2016 | 173 Posts |
| 2017 | 156 Posts |
| 2018 | 162 Posts |
| 2019 | 99 Posts |
| 2020 | 26 Posts |
| 2021 | 1 Post |
| 2022 | 1 Post |
| 2023 | 0 Posts |
| 2024 | 0 Posts |
In June 2019, I dropped out of college. I had much more time to work on creating content. Yet, my productivity plummeted. In April 2019, when I tried to speak out, Thor turned everyone against me. He destroyed my perception of the online community after his lies were taken as truth.
Like academics, I always thought I stopped being motivated to make content because that life just wasn’t meant for me. I thought I was creatively burned out. I felt like I had peaked, that I already created everything good that I will ever make.
I thought I just wasn’t creative enough.